How to earn a trip to the ER

>> Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Before you begin: 
If you don't do this right, you will NOT achieve extreme amounts of guilt and sadness for your poor baby.

First, place a LARGE, SHARP and HEAVY packing tape dispenser up on the highest shelf you have (you know, in order to keep it from your children).

Next, have your children remove ALL the books from said shelf, just for fun, right now, as you're cleaning.

Finally, put something ELSE up on the highest shelf, accidently knocking the aforementioned tape dispenser down.

Make SURE the tape dispenser hits your poor kid in the head.

And removes a large, bloody chunk of flesh.

At this point, your child should be bleeding and screaming, and you should be saying naughty words.

If not, go back and repeat earlier steps.

Call your husband and make him come home so you don't have to take the other two with you on your field trip to the Emergency Room.

Buy your sweet 2-year-old ice cream after it's all done, because anyone who gets staples in their head and only cries a little, definitely deserves ice cream.

Feel REALLY REALLY bad, especially when your 4-year-old tells everyone that "Mommy hurt Spencer."


Poor Spencer.

Please remember, this was an accident, and I do not actually think any of this is a good idea.


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